Saturday 12 December 2015

Pushing Onwards

Post-NaNo is always weird, and when NaNo itself is weird, it's even weirder. I have never been a multi-tasker when it comes to writing, and I know this, but somehow my brain refuses to accept it. When I start a project, I want to see it to the end until it's done. Unfortunately, now I have two projects I love equally, both vying for my attention. It's driving me crazy. This is why I wanted to finish Book 4 by December -- to get it out the way and out of my head to clear the way for MP. 

But after, a week or so of beating myself up and getting nothing done on anything (and some much-needed pep from Sarah) I have relaxed. Things will take as much time as they need, and it's okay if I don't finish everything now. So I'm taking each day, each hour as it comes, dabbling in Book 4 and making my notes for Book 1. They're both coming together and it's exciting to see. This is my hobby, and if it's not enjoyable then it's not worth doing. 

As it stands, I'm 62k into Book 4 and about to hit the Grand Finale, and I've done 30 pages of notes for MP. Although I've printed off the MS, I'm making my notes separately in a little notebook (actually too little -- I'm going to need four before it's all done!) and it's working really well. It's forcing me to be thorough and detailed in a way I wouldn't be just making notes in the margins. 

I'm finding micro-editing to be the most satisfying part of the process so far, when everything is there, all laid out, and it's just a matter of fine-tuning and finally getting it to the point where it looks the way you imagined it to be. It's been a very long journey, but the end is in sight and I think I'll be proud of the outcome. *fingers crossed* 

I've discovered a lot of reeaally good music lately, but here's what I'm listening to on loop right now -- Hayley Westenra: Listen to the Wind. I've always loved her music (Across the Universe of Time will always be one of my top songs) so it was really exciting to find something new that fit so perfectly with my WIPs. 




Tuesday 1 December 2015

Happy New Year!



Well there we go, another year done!

NaNoWriMo 2015 felt very different this year, and I don't really know why. Maybe it's because I was super busy, juggling work and more family obligations alongside novelling than previous years, and I really had to grab my free time and make the most of it -- some days I wrote a hundred words, some days I wrote 7k -- and it felt very sporadic. Maybe it's because I was doing Book 4 and coming to the end of a two-year journey. Maybe it was because I wasn't novelling as alone as previous years. Whatever it was, it felt different, but no less wonderful ^^

I am proud to say I won my 3rd NaNo on the 27th and clocked out last night with 60,003 -- not too shabby for working full-time as well! The story isn't quite finished, so I'll be writing into December, but I'm okay with that. We're getting to the climax now!

I've definitely found that I enjoy NaNo the most when I'm doing something crazy, like a 10k day, or starting at 4am and writing through 7k to 12 pm (*cough*blackfriday*cough*) slow and steady may win the race, but it isn't satisfying. It's the challenge that I really live for.

Still, it's over, but I woke up feeling excited for the New Writing Year. Got a lot of wonderful cards on the table: Finishing ILYF, editing MP, rewriting Guilders, planning NiNo for NaNo'16... It's going to be a good year!

Oh, and being a better, more consistent blogger ;)

Wednesday 4 November 2015

NaNoWriMo 2015 - Kick Off & Updates

Sorry for taking so long to update, it's been a wonderfully crazy few days! NaNoWriMo season has begun, and it's so good to be freewriting again! Every word is its own huge mess, but I'm loving it. The story is unfolding and my characters have been surprising me. They all feel very different this time round, and I'm not really sure why but i'm just going with it. I'm definitely glad that I'll have this book started before MP's properly finished. I hate it when you read a series and you can tell how much of an afterthought the later books were. I'm really hoping to have a nice, tight series by the end of all this. Of course, every draft is different, but the basic structure and character arcs will be there. 

Word-count wise, I'm beating some of my own records. I can do a thousand words in half an hour quite comfortably when full engaged, or in 45mins when less so. Day one gave me 6k, and Day 2 took me up to 16k (yup, another 10k day!) Yesterday I was knackered so I only did a thousand words, but one of my goals for this new writing year is to be more in tune with myself, and listen when I need a break. I've definitely built up enough safety net to not feel guilty about that!

A lot of people I know IRL are NaNo'ing this year, which is super exciting :D I love that everyone's novelling and taking part in this wonderful, crazy undertaking. It's inspiring to see, and the sense of community is even bigger this year!

Taking my break yesterday, I did a flick through of MP and ugh. I'm back to hating it. I know it's all fixable, but the week's space from it seems to highlight all its flaws. Still, better than thinking there's nothing to be done (I wonder if I'll ever get there?) 

Alright, turning off the interwebs for an hour's sprint.

Happy Novelling! <3

Friday 30 October 2015

Prepping and Editing

Even though the writing of Moon Path is behind me, I've been feeling just as busy these last few days! So many people to catch up with, and a lot of my NaNo buddies from last year are wandering back into my inbox and it's great to catch up with them!

Started prepping 'And I Loved You First'. Going last year's route of sketching scenes on index cards and keeping a loose plan. Since actually writing down my ideas for this story, which has been marinating in my head for eleven months, it's exciting to see all the pieces pulling together! There are only a few plot points I'm hazy on right now, but they'll be worked out as I go.

Did a first quick edit on Moon Path yesterday -- going through my square brackets and working out some of the smaller knots -- AND I DON'T HATE IT!! Even three days later I don't hate it!!! It actually looks how it's supposed to look, and I can't really believe it. Gonna do some more today and try and get it ready for printing before the first.

Had an overwhelming response to my beta-call! I really wasn't expecting it, and to have so many different readers and opinions will be invaluable! Set up a tentative ETA of mid-December to send it out to everyone. 

I really feel like I'm taking the next steps with MP, and it's so exciting! I've been stuck in writing-mode for coming up two years, and to have that behind me... I'm glad I've got a month of free-writing to chill out about it! 

Monday 26 October 2015

26th October 2015, 15:23 -- The Moon Path is COMPLETE!

And six days before NaNo (omg I can start prepping now!!)

But, wow! It feels so good. It the ending came so smoothly? Like, I know I still have a lot of work to do, but I'm happier with it than I ever thought I could be.

Put out an open call for betas, and have a pretty wide-ranging list at this point. It'll be good to have a feedback from lots of different kinds of readers.

Feel pretty brain-dead so gonna peace out, eat something, and either collapse in a heap or run around for an hour. Maybe both.

That finished-novel-feeling will never get old!

Friday 16 October 2015

The most exciting part of getting to The End are all the little hints towards potential subplots in the next book(s)

!!!!

I'm so excited to start the rewrite on Guilders!


Friday 9 October 2015

A Good Day

Today was really really really good and I got over two huge humps and I think I've cleared my path to The End and I'm really really excited and I've just been writing all day and I can't stop and maybe I"ll be able to finish this week?? Also I found out they've made a movie of one of my favourite books (Room) and the trailer's amazing and I can't stop listening to the song in the soundtrack. Gaaaahhh! Today was really really good ^^


Thursday 8 October 2015

NaNo Season is Well Underway!



There's still three weeks to go, but NaNo is in the air! The forums have exploded with life in a way that I really felt was lacking last year. I love it!! Struggling to come to terms with the fact that there's no way in hell I'll be able to keep up with every thread though! It's great to watch the influx of new NaNo'ers, seeing all the usual threads pop up ('Said is Dead' being a favourite) and my own decorations are starting to go up for the festivities. Kage of RLyis  has made me a beautiful banner,
there's a cover in the works, and I've been chatting with a supremely talented artist and doing my first art swap (eep!) One of my favourite parts of the season is meeting new writers, so it's a thrill to have some conversations going already.


Sarah and I are planning a 15k day on the 2nd (god help us) and although I haven't made a set word-goal, that'll put me in a good position to achieve my real target of writing the whole novel in a month. I expect it'll go over 50k, but I don't think I'll be double novelling this year. 'And I Loved You First' is going to be a much denser first draft, if my inklings are correct. Crazy excited for it!!

Moon Path is coming along. I'm still hoping to finish by November, but I'll be okay if I have to take a pause. The children (by which I mean my adult characters who should know better) have been driving me crazy this week, but I think I've finally wrangled them into shape. Now I have to work out where The Big Reveal is going to happen, and I have a nasty suspicion it should already have taken place. Ugh. But we'll see. 

Here's some music -- 'You Wait for Rain' by Kyler England. It's freakishly perfect for Moon Path. It's been on repeat for the last three days.



Happy writings! 

Tuesday 29 September 2015

Musings

First mark in the November calendar has been placed! Sarah and I are doing a 10k day on the 2nd (Now it's announced, we have to ;) ) So excited!!! It'll be awesome to do it at the start of the event when all the ideas are still fresh. Luckily I've got a fair few plot threads that I can dabble in if I lose steam on one. Gaaaahhh! I think I'm the most excited about this novel. I hope I don't fall flat on my face!

Today was an early start, so I'm sitting in Kaldi's drinking mocha, bingeing on Avril Lavigne and typing up the couple of scenes I've been working on these past few days. Still not sure where I'm gonna slot them in... Hurtling towards the end of Moon Path now!

 Been doing a lot of thinking about what I want from the rewrite of In the City of Guilders/The Freedom of Dragons, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to consolidate them both into one book. They'll make for two distinct 'parts' that I think will work for one book. I thought of a title for it last night but I'm too tired to remember it. Got a lot of little extra things that I've learned about my characters in the last year that I can't wait to implement, and a new character that I met in April's novel who I think might turn things around a fair bit. Whatever happens with this series, I'm excited to see it completely complete! I think it's going to be something I'll be very proud of in the end, even if it doesn't get picked up. 

Oh, had the big emotional turn-around in MP and I'm pretty satisfied. The 'moment' needs tweaking just because it's one of those lines (you know the ones) that needs to be really perfect, but I finally got the boys to cooperate and they did a good job. 

Now to rip it all to pieces :) 


Sunday 27 September 2015

Is It November Yet?

But actually.

How am I supposed to concentrate on Book 1 when I have Book 4 stuck in my brain?

Unbearable Kai feels today/everyday.

Just gonna leave this here...


Saturday 19 September 2015

Settling Down

I feel bad for not updating and leaving the last post on a low because everything has picked up again (doesn't it always?) So here's what's going on -- 

My wonderful betas have caught up with me, and their eager anticipation for the ending is spurring me on. Honestly, these last few days I've been insanely invigorated. I feel like everything is coming together and all my beautiful circles are getting completed. I have an ETA of two weeks until this draft is done. And then the hard work begins (hahaha!)

Work is wonderful. I was afraid that I'd resent the time away from writing, but to be perfectly honest it's just focusing me. I start at 10:30, so I go in the wife two or three hours before a
nd write and catch up with emails, then take another hour in the evening. Every moment at my keyboard is precious, and I feel like I'm really able to use that time well. It helps that I really love my job -- my boss is awesome and my coworkers are lovely. I haven't had a day where I haven't wanted to go in, and it's really exciting to see our savings start to grow again after all these months of insane expenses. We've been able to start looking seriously at apartments (!!!!) and are hoping to move around New Year (!!!)

Time is going fast, and that means November is almost upon us (!!!) So frickin' excited for NaNo! Trying not to jinx it by over-thinking, but I've worked out my title and the last scene I want for the series. It's going to be so weird to wrap up this whole story, but at least I'll still have three books' worth of revisions ;) I just hope I give myself enough breathing space between the end of this draft and November first. April just about did me in! 

I will leave you with some music; a track that I feel sums up NaNo 2015 -- Wires by Athlete. 


Sunday 6 September 2015

Stalled. Again.

Ugh.

Endings are the worst.

Beginnings suck; middles are impossible, and endings are the worst.

So many bloody threads and trying to tie them all up right and get all the bits in the right places whilst maintaining the flow and the emotion and the honesty... asdfghjkl!!! I feel like every draft is the same and I'm never going to be satisfied.

I thought I was happy with the words I did yesterday, but thinking on it last night, they're just plain bad. There's so much work I need to do, and I never really take any steps forward. The beginning is deceptive. It makes me believe I'm making progress, but I'm not. And I feel myself sticking,  again, in that trap of, 'Oh, it's okay, I can go back and fix it.' Which is true, but how many times do we have to repeat this?

Half of me feels like I need a break and I need to just get this draft done.

The more practical half knows perfectly well that rushing is death and will only make the revision more arduous.

Ugh.

It's going to be okay.

Thursday 3 September 2015

A Conversation with Michelle Kass

Okay, some background first: my aunt has been bugging me for a couple of months to let her have my first chapter to show her literary agent friend, Michelle Kass, and last week -- following some pep from a CP -- I caved. A day later, my aunt emailed me saying that Michelle wanted to talk to me, so we arranged a skype conversation. That happened today. 

I had absolutely no idea what to expect. I'd agreed at the height of an adrenaline arc, which has subsequently come crashing down this past week, leaving me once again with crippling self-doubt in all aspects of my writerly life. Who the bloody hell was I to presume that anyone would have anything to say about my nonsense, let alone a very busy agent like Michelle. Ugh. Suffice it to say, I slept badly last night. It didn't help that I'd just discovered that my computer's microphone doesn't work with headphones plugged in, and here I was in the middle of a busy Starbucks. I spent the morning leading up to 10am feeling sick and trying to compile a page of notes, knowing perfectly well that I'd forget literally everything as soon as the call began. 

I knew, also, that it would be fine once I got going. 

And it was. 

I was talking to a professional who knew her stuff about my favourite subjects on earth -- writing and my baby. 

She was wonderfully nitpicky, going through the chapter line-by-line, questioning me where I needed to be questioned, pointing out places that needed to be tightened... It was exactly what I needed to move on. 

More than anything, she liked it, and she reiterated that several times. She liked it, but it's going to get better, and that's going to take time and patience. The resounding lessons, the ones I really needed to hear were: Clarity -- Be Purposeful and It will take as long as it takes. These are two things I've been knowing for a fair while; I know I need to slow down and push less, and I know I need to go through and make sure everything is crystal clear. Time and space at the end of this draft will help with that. 

She said, also, that I reeaally need to work out who I'm writing for -- is it YA, is it adult, and what will change in either of these situations? I need to step back and just let myself think and breathe. And that is so true. It's driving me crazy, but the answers will come eventually. She recommended a lot of books that she thinks will help me, so I'm looking forward to taking my reading month at the end of this draft. 

She liked my dedication and my passion, and she thinks I've got the art side down, it's just a matter of honing the craft aspect and bringing it all together, and CLARITY. I'm very excited for the next stage for this novel! 

So, in summary:
  • I am the mistress of my universe
  • Find answers to all the questions
  • Don't get tangled up by your PoV
  • Find the balance between art and craft
  • Be empathetic to your readers
  • Take your time.


And she wants me to send her the revision when it's done. Whenever that may be!

Wednesday 26 August 2015

RLGL: In Retrospect

The short of it is, I didn't make it. 

The more important short of it is, I'm okay with that. 

But actually, surprisingly so.

I said in the beginning, that no matter what, it would be an invaluable experience, and it really really has been. 

Because of the contest I have:

- Fixed my first chapter
- Learnt how to write a pitch
- Learnt how to control my competitiveness
- Connected with some fabulous YA writers
- Had the courage put the novel out there
- Had the courage to let my wife help me
- Worked out the nonsense that is Twitter

And so much more introspection that I can't even bullet-point! 

After the first jolt of disappointment, a weird wave of tranquility settled over me. It was bizarre. I hadn't realised how much pressure I was putting myself under with this contest that I didn't even have control over. And, once it was gone, I could go back and just enjoy novelling. That's not to say I'm not disappointed -- that critique would've been so useful -- it just doesn't change anything. I'm just as in love with my novel as I ever was. If anything, I feel more driven and more determined than ever before.

Oh, something else I learnt that I'm excited to apply to the whole thing -- Fine tooth-combing. Editing where every single word matters. I did it for Chapter 1, and I'm desperate to get on and do it with the rest!! I'm so excited to see how this is all going to turn out, and I'm excited to see where it'll go when it's ready.

(Eeeeee!!!)

What's been really surprising is the amount of messages I've had telling me that they're surprised that I didn't make it, that mine was one of their favourites. And it's cheesey, but messages like that make everything worthwhile. The Moon Path is not a commercial book, it just isn't. I've found that people either tend to hate it or love it, and I will gladly take the bad for that kind of good. Okay, so I've embraced the YA of it, maybe now it's time to pay attention to the literary side. I wonder if they'll ever meld?

Anyway, enough rambling and back to business!

Thank you Adventures in YA Publishing, it's been a blast ^^


Monday 24 August 2015

Writing vs. Marriage: A Breakthrough

Anyone who knows me knows that I have always had an enormous issue with sharing my stories with the people closest to me (my grandmother is the exception) I don't know why, but it's always been my biggest 'I cannot deal'. 

Since being with Christine, I have worked reeaally hard to try and get over that. For one thing, we met through fanfiction, so it's absolutely absurd not to be able to share. And for another, these are the two greatest loves of my life -- my writing and my wife. They need to bloody get on!

I have been getting better -- I let her read last year's NaNo, and I no longer slam my laptop shut whenever she comes within ten meters. I think they call this 'progress'. 

Still, talking is the hardest part of all. I love it when she shows and active interest, but still I have a tendency to go "hrrrgh blrrrgh blrrrgh" which promptly ends the conversation. 

BUT this weekend. 

For the Red Light Green Light Contest, the top 25 were asked to submit a 30 word pitch on the off-chance they become finalists (aaaargh!!) I have never done a summary in my life, let alone reduced a book I can't even talk about down to 30 words. 97k in one month? No biggie. 30 words in 5 days? Hell No. 

Suffice it to say, I couldn't do it alone. I got to the point where every word looked the same and I just felt miserable. Luckily I have a wife who is wonderful. 

So we spent the whole weekend on the sofa talking through this damn pitch and arguing about comma placement (I like them; she doesn't) and I actually talked to her sensibly about the book and my characters and the world and, wow. It was a breakthrough. I no longer feel jittery and nervous and embarrassed. It's like a wall's been breached and the two parts of me are melding properly, and I feel so much lighter. 

And I'm glad, because I'm reeaally going to need her support in all this over the next few months when it comes down to editing and querying and actually taking it all seriously. 

If there's one thing I've learnt in the last couple of years, it's that writing is not a solitary undertaking.

Even if she does insist upon calling Dakin 'daikon'.  

Monday 17 August 2015

The Moon Path - A Taster


Cupping the moon in his hands, Dakin offers it to his little brother. “Go on,” he insists. “Try again.”
With all the patience of the bored seven-year-old he is, Laurie throws his head back and groans. “I can’t.”
“You can. Just concentrate. Just imagine—”
“But what’s the point?” He falls back against the headboard of his bed with a sullen scowl. “I don’t see why it matters so much.”
Dakin sighs and shifts. “It matters to me,” he says with practiced patience, “because I know you can do it. I’ve seen you. If you’d only try—”
“It only matters to you because it matters to her.” Across the long stretch of bed, Laurie’s dark eyes narrow in a glare. “And that doesn’t mean it has to matter to me.”
The moon flickers in his hands. Resisting the argument, Dakin drops his gaze to give it the full attention it requires to hold it – smoothing the curves of the image in his mind and brightening the projection in the air between them. He can feel it, as slick and as cool as the ice their mother puts in her drinks. Just as she described. It isn’t that hard. Laurie’s just being stubborn.
“Go on,” he murmurs again, the soft silver glow brightening between his fingers, stark in contrast to the warm orange light flickering in the sunjars on the walls. “Just once more, then you can choose the next game.” His eyes flick up to catch Laurie’s, and wins the game with an earnest, “Please?”
Making it quite clear that he is obeying against his wishes, Laurie scowls and rolls his eyes, dragging himself back to resume the cross-legged position mirroring Dakin’s own. Finally settled, he concedes with a muttered, “Tell me again.”
With a smile curling the corners of his mouth, Dakin shifts his aching legs to recite the old story in their mother’s words.
“As cold as the sun is hot, the moon is as smooth as glass and as slippery as ice,” he says, making it so. “It’s so cold that it can leave your fingers tingling for hours afterwards, almost burning, ‘though it doesn’t really hurt. Made from frozen clouds, the moon only appears after the rain has fallen. It sends down a pale blue light that freezes everything it touches. That’s how the Moon Path is made, where the light touches the sea. And it’ll take us–”
“The Moon Path’s just one of Mother’s fairytales,” Laurie interrupts with his well-honed skepticism. “It isn’t real.”
“It can be,” says Dakin, making the moon swell and grow in his hands. “If you believe in it hard enough.”
“Believing in something isn’t enough to make it real.”
It is an old debate between them, and, patience waning, Dakin ends it with a sigh. “Just try, Laurie.”
Pushing ineffectively at the dark curls falling across his face, Laurie obeys, leaning over the illusion nestled between Dakin’s hands, expression set in the gravest of concentration.
“Smooth as glass,” he mutters. “Slippery as ice…” Biting his lip, he reaches with a tentative finger, doubt bright on his face.
Dakin finds himself doing the same, with an unconscious but ardent prayer that this time Laurie will be successful. Magical ability and the willingness to believe in the impossible does not come as naturally to Laurie as it does to him; it isn’t as important, he doesn’t care enough, and Dakin can understand why, knows perfectly well that he is entirely to blame. Wishes, sometimes, that he could explain to his brother why it is so vital—
Laurie’s fingers go straight through, touching Dakin’s palm.
“I told you!” Laurie snatches his hand back at once with a low, frustrated snarl and glares at Dakin, holding him responsible for the hope that has sharpened the failure. “I told you I couldn’t do it!”
“Ssh.” The moon flickers again, and this time Dakin lets it go. “It’s okay,” he says, reaching to tug Laurie to him, grateful when he doesn’t resist. “We’ll try again tomorrow.”
“What’s the point?” says Laurie, playing absently with Dakin’s fingers, as though looking for residual traces of the moon. “What’ll make tomorrow different from today? Or yesterday?”
Dakin rests his chin on the crown of his head. “Any number of things.” His heart aches for it, for the possibility of change. It has to be true. “Maybe the entire world will change tomorrow.”

© Esme Symes-Smith

----
Art by the unbelievably amazing Suzanami  who completely surpassed all my expectations in bringing the boys to life.
Thank you to my betas, and Sarah and Amie in particular for really pushing me to short out this chapter, and Steven for telling me it's finally there. Let's hope I can get the rest of it up to scratch too!


Friday 14 August 2015

*incoherentbabbling*

Aaah so following the amazing message of the day before yesterday, I finally gathered the courage to send my first chapter to a very good friend, whose opinion I respect with almost crippling enormity, who's been begging me to send him something for aaaages. Anyhow, that's forcing me to go back and reeaally go through it with a fine-tooth-comb, looking at every sentence as meticulously as I've been looking at my first 100 words for this contest. 

It's amazing. I love this part of editing so much. I really didn't think I would, because usually my patience just simply isn't long enough. But having a purpose -- really wanting to send him my absolute best -- is really driving me to do. 

ANDANDANDAND

It's finally starting to feel finished-finished!!!!

This is what I've been working towards, this feeling that comes of sitting back, looking at the words, and feeling satisfied

This novel is actually something I'm going to be proud to show off when the time comes ^^

asdfghjkl!!! 

I'm going to post the first scene in the next few days, and I just want to say how glad I am that the first scene of the fourth draft got ripped to shreds and my betas really forced me to think things through and re-draft, because I'm so damn happy with the outcome, and that wouldn't've happened without the vicious critiques. 

Just goes to show, don't it?

Wednesday 12 August 2015

Shamelessly

I'm sure there's some sort of rule about modesty and being demure, but right now I don't even give a crap because I just received one of the best messages that a writer can ever hope to receive, and I'm higher than the top of the world, and I want to keep this for posterity because This Is Why I Write

From Cam-eraObscura (a NaNo'er who, up to this point, has been a complete stranger to me)

I read you excerpt for Moon Path and I'm kind of choking up already? Like, I LOVE all the showing-not-telling you did to set up their daily life and what the Game means, and I'm drawing some conclusions as to why they have to play it and how much they trust each other even on such fragile grounds, not revealing things to each other, and I'm getting the impression that Dakin is the older brother and he's protective and putting on so many fronts and trying to be playful about it, and that Laurie is the younger one but he's more serious and more intelligent than Dakin wishes, perhaps?
Anyway, point is, I've seen you on the forums a lot and I know you have a ton of Nano buddies already, but I'd like to know when you publish a book, any book, because I very much want to read it. Anyone that can draw me in to a stranger's life from an excerpt like that is on the top of my to-read list. Have a nice day! 

And it's this, right here. Getting a message from a complete stranger who just happened across your words, and them taking the time to tell you. This will honestly set me up for the rest of the month. Don't get me wrong, every comment is invaluable, but there's something particularly meaningful about the ones that come without asking or expectation. Plus, you know, it's always good to know when a scene has done its job ;) Friends and family have to pat you on the back and say 'well done', and even writing-buddies to some extent (not that I don't trust my WBs to be honest with me!) but you know you've hit the mark with it comes from a stranger's fingertips. 

Woohoo! At least I know I'll be able to sell one book to one person :D

Friday 7 August 2015

A Continuation of Good Fortune

Well, where to start...


I have a job! A really wonderful job (I had my first shift today) At Menchies Frozen Yoghurt. It's basically the cutest little franchise you've ever seen; my co-workers are frickin' lovely, and my manager wants to promote me already. And the uniform is insane. Will post pic soon! 

It's full time/ 40hrs a week, but it's right across from Starbucks so I can go in early and get some writing done before my shifts. I think it's really going to focus me, having less time.

Buuut! Writing at home has suddenly become much more pleasant  because (babababaaa!) I have a desk!! I love it, and it's already inspired some great words. I think it's the pet Aloe plant we bought to keep him company. So now I have a little space of my own to keep my papers and books, and where I can sit so people know not to bother me. 

Writing-wise, Part 3's going swimmingly. On the home stretch now, and definitely feeling that! Everything's starting to come together and it's great to see :D 

Second leg of the contest went up a few days ago HERE And they've linked to the judges' results, which makes it super scary, but it's exciting to see that I'm not crashing and burning haha! Will here if I've got through to Round Three on... Monday, I think? 

So, yeah. Good stuff :D 

Sunday 2 August 2015

August Updates

Well, July was a crazy one! Got through Camp by the skin of my teeth -- still haven't quite worked out if Camp suits me, but I love the atmosphere and the camaraderie of it. Didn't finish Moon Path as I wanted to, but got through the hell that is The Middle, and now I found myself in the marshmallow fluff that is The End. I mean, still got about 30k to go, but blasted through the first chapter yesterday and feeling very confident with this section. 

I think it's the relief of not having to care about wordcount. 

Still, three months 'til NaNo Proper! Lots to do, and I can't wait to get down and get Book 4 out. I'm as eager to know what happens as anyone else!   

Contest-wise, I'm through to the next round! Voting doesn't start again 'til Wednesday, but had a look at the second lines and it's looking exciting. Interestingly, I've found that some of my favourite first lines don't exactly hold up under their second lines, whereas some of the first lines that didn't grab me initially are really elevated by the continuation! It's really fascinating, and I love that it's really anyone's game. 

In other exciting news, I had an interview with FixYourWritingHabits published today, talking about ghostwriting and editing. They're doing a month looking into different kinds of writing careers, so pretty psyched to be a part of that! Speaking of which, writing for The Writers' Helpers is still going swimmingly, and all my articles can be found ---> Over in the LinkLink.

Today is a good day. One of my wonderful writing buddies sent me his book yesterday, and it's such a pleasure to read! I really have nothing more eloquent to say about it yet other than *flail* Adfghjk!! Also, looking at writing desks and I think I've settled on this one. It'll be lovely to have a proper writing space that isn't the end of the dining room table! 

This month is going to be a good one!

Friday 24 July 2015

Just Feeling Really Happy

It's friday (which is never good) and my ovaries hurt, but I just feel so damn good right now. Like, ridiculously. Not getting a whole lot of words done, but I very happy with what I'm doing, and i love this stupid novel so damn much, and this contest just makes me feel like it's all actually going to come together. I mean, I have 0 expectation of winning -- there are some seriously amazing first lines there -- but that's seriously okay, and I would be so happy to lose to some of them, and just to see that people are liking mine is just... wow.

I just feel full and fluffy right now, and as though everything is coming together in the way it should. 

I'm sure I'll crash tomorrow ;)

Wednesday 22 July 2015

Exciting Stuff!

Well, good or bad, news usually comes in threes, and it certainly has over the last couple of days!

First off, my new position as admin for The Writers' Helpers has kicked off to a rather fabulous start! Three posts in, the links to which can be found in my shiny new 'link' link, and I feel very settled ^^ This is definitely what I was made to do, help out aspiring writers, so it's a real pleasure to have an actual platform on which to do that. I will be updating the Link Link with every post I make, so be sure to check it out.

Secondly -- and this is where I get cheeky and ask for help -- I've entered my first contest! It's held by Adventures in YA Publishing, a rather nifty blog I've been following for a while which has great interviews with authors and agents in the YA circuit. The contest is for first lines of unpublished novels. A hundred are posted, then wittled down over the course of a couple of months by votes from the public (35%) and the professional involved (65%) 

So I'd really really appreciate it if you could pop over, take a look around, and vote. You can vote for as many as you like, and there are some pretty awesome ones. Mine, if anyone's interested *hinthint* is 'Cupping the moon in his hands, Dakin offers it to his little brother.' And if you do happen to like and vote for mine, I will love you forever <3 Contest

Lastly, I got confirmation that my work permit's on the way!!!! Only two months later :D Finally feeling properly settled in the States now ^^

Hope everyone's having a fabulous July! 

Wednesday 15 July 2015

Halfway Through


So, it's been a funny few days. Lots of good things happening, so I'll start with those.


First up, more commissions! Weee! This time by the wonderful AndyTheLemon

I've been flailing after her art for a fair while, especially admiring her quick commission sketches (damn! I wish I could sketch like that!) So as soon as she opened them up again, I hopped right on it. I highly recommend her if you've got a spare $10. I love what she's done with the boys <3

Second up, and something I'm still a little in shock about -- I've been picked to be one of the new admins of The Writers' Helpers, where I will be answering questions and giving writing advice. I applied sort of on a whim, not really expecting anything to come of it -- it's a pretty big writing blog, and kind of a pipe-dream -- but eeee! I was so excited when I got the email saying I'd got through to the next round! And yesterday I sent in the last part of the interview process, and they said they'd send the password along shortly after that so... Woop! I've been really wanting to get more involved with the tumblr side of the writing community, so this'll be a fun way of doing it. 

So now for my moan. 

UGH I am so damn stuck on this bloody part! And the worst part is, I know it's just me being stuck in my head because I had such issue with it in the last draft. The problem is, I'm reeaally pleased with the way it ended up last draft, but the way one of my characters has changed means that the whole dynamic between them all has to change too. It's like a triangle -- you alter the degree just a fraction, but that sets the tangent along a completely different course. So I'm trying to work through this AND keep up with my wordcount, and it's just a headache. And I know I should chill out and just do it as it need to be done and relax, but I really really wanted to finish by the end of July, and that goal is slipping away from me and asdfhjk!!!! I feel like I'm never going to finish. It's always 'One more month, one more month', and the months are piling up and I feel stuck in quicksand. And I know it's right for the story, and I'm seriously happy with what I've got so far, but it's killing me!! 

*deep breaths*

It's going to be okay, I know this. There is no hurry, especially with writing. I'll get there in the end.

Update: Today ended up going surprisingly well. Sarah sent me a quote from an article on types of writer's block and how to overcome them which gave me a lot of pep --

10. You're revising your work, and you can't see your way past all those blocks of text you already wrote.
Revising is a nightmare - and if you've adhered to the "write a first draft quickly and then fix it in rewrites" school of thought, you've agreed to a Faustian bargain. There's no way to make this process go faster or more smoothly, a lot of the time. Sometimes it takes a while of looking at your text from different angles to figure out where the problems are, and sometimes you need more feedback from more people to figure out where the real structural weaknesses are.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that if you're getting stuck during revisions, that's not any type of Writer's Block (as nebulous a concept as Writer's Block is), but rather just the natural process of trying to diagnose what ails your novel.
Although one thing that works for me when I'm getting stuck with revisions is just to rewrite large sections from scratch, without looking back at your original draft. Same story, new words. Sometimes, it's a lot quicker than trying to wrangle the words you already put down.
So I ended up with 2k of Moon Path AND started a new project. I bought a new notebook and have decided to start free-writing short stories again ^^ I haven't touched short stories in over two years, but I've started having cravings again. So I also have a thousand words of a short story called '3 a.m'. It's very silly but a good start!



















Wednesday 8 July 2015

Week One Catch Up

A week in and 15k down! It's been a really good week, progress wise. I've finished Part 2.2, and (bam bam bam!) My friend and I have fallen headfirst into a crazy crossover between our stories, so I've got 7.5k on that one, and 7.5k on Moon Path. It's pretty awesome to see our styles meld and to see how she's playing with my boys :D And for me, it's been great getting into a proper high-fantasy world, a genre I haven't really fiddled with before. It started off as something silly, but it's growing into something pretty expansive! I really like having something 'fun' to do when I'm exhausted by 4th draft writing; I'd forgotten how wonderful free, first-draft writing can be! We've been swapping scenes every day since we started on the 2nd, and that's been really driving me to get on with it. 

Right now I'm debating whether to plough though Part 2.2 (which I'm stalling on) or move onward to Part 3, then go back. Having a bit of a pause with Moon Path because I've been staying at home to clean in perpetration for the descending of the brothers-in-law, so it's good to have some time to think about it. Working on this crossover with Sarah's really pepped me up for Moon Path, I feel like I'm getting a new perspective on the characters that I just couldn't get on my own. They're feeling just a little bit more three-dimensional. That always seems to happen, with every little step they take away from me -- like seeing them drawn for the first time, or giving them to my first readers, and having the first in-depth discussion -- it's a really odd feeling, but I feel proud of them, sitting back and watching them do their thing! My babies are growing up! 


Wednesday 1 July 2015

Aaaand... They're Off!


The big question of the month is going to be: Can 4th Draft Standard Be Maintained At NaNo Speed? 

I look forward to finding out the answer. 

Today I avoided Camp by going to see Inside Out and celebrating my 1 year anniversary of being in the States, then sucked it up and bashed out 2k in two hours. Am pleased. Hope to continue to be pleased.

*scared*

Saturday 27 June 2015

Progress, Flailing and Pre-Camp

Happy 2nd Montheversary, 4th Draft! 

On the brink of hitting 50k today (I just have to get myself in gear and finish typing them up) which feels prettyy decent, despite writing less than last month. 

Part 2 is turning out quite differently from the last draft, though, whereas Part 1 was pretty much the same, so that's my excuse right there. Not to mention how much my reading has increased over the last few weeks. 

I am deeply sorrowful to say that I have come to the end of the Demon's Lexicon Trilogy by Sarah Reese Brennan, but I suppose it's good to have my life back again. They have shot up to top spot on my Favourite Books list. Yes, above Harry Potter, and Phantom. I am very excited for my hard copies to come so I can read them again. And once I've had enough space from them, I'll write a proper, eloquent review. Right now it would just consist of *flail* ASDFGHJK!!! Which isn't really very helpful to anyone. 

I am deeply sad that there is minimal fan-content for the series, and it's all I can do to resist writing all the fic I can until my fingers fall off, but I large part of why I've connected to the series so much is because the parts I love best and would want to ficcify are elements that I see in my own story, so I'm going to channel my ficcing urges into Moon Path. 

July is approaching full-pelt, which means the Cabin is starting to whir into life again. We've lost a few Gremus along the way (I'm pretty sure they've been kidnapped by a rival cabin) but Gremubrimcabish is still going strong, and I think everyone's looking forward to a more relaxed time of it this Camp.


Wednesday 24 June 2015

Character Development: Laurie

Laurie by Hragon
Laurie (Laurenthian) started out life as my MC, and my first sort-of-but-not-really first original character back in school when I had to write stories that weren't Harry Potter fics and very much a
drone. He was there to serve a purpose as a vessel for stories, and he did the job reasonably well but we were both very dissatisfied. It wasn't until 2013 that I really gave him the space to grow and develop, and when I did changed completely beyond expectation.

He began as a quiet, imaginative boy -- very shrewd, very observant, who sneaks around the house to listen and find out for himself what no-one will tell him. In that respect, he is very similar to Wendy from Karen Wallace's wonderful novel of the same name, and one of the most influential books I've read. Based on Peter Pan, Wendy is the oldest of three siblings and takes her responsibilities very seriously. She has learnt that she cannot trust adults to tell her the truth, so if she wants or needs something, she has to go out and get it for herself. She cloaks herself in the imaginary, and relies on her imagination to protect her and make sense of things she doesn't understand, and that
is something that's very much part of 'The Moon Path'. Laurie is the same, but it's his loneliness that really provokes his imagination into action, and the need for companionship.
I suppose it would be worth saying here that I wrote 'The Moon Path' because I wanted to pay homage to my own imaginary friend, who was very important to me during my teenage years and probably saved my life. I wanted to write about that relationship and that dependency. So, at least in their early incarnations, Laurie is very much me, and Joanna is very much Him. As they grew and my focus shifted -- due mainly to a comment from my grandmother after reading NaNo2013 saying she thought it was a book about the brothers -- they changed into something much more themselves. And I'm glad for that.

As drafts have progressed, he has remained essentially the same -- still astute and sharp, and very much reliant on his imagination -- but he has become sharper, fiercer and much more impatient. He is undeniably a product of his parents, inheriting (to a degree) both their tempers, but thankfully being raised predominantly by his brother has tempered him somewhat, and I think it's his loyalty and affection for Dakin that just about keeps him from being the brat he is in danger of being.
Klaus Baudelaire - Series of Unfortunate Events

Talking of Laurie's brattiness, that's not necessarily a description I would give him, although I can
understand why people would and do think of him in that way. In the beginning of the story, Laurie is thoughtless and, for the most part, very selfish because that is the way they (his mother and brother) have encouraged him to be. They want him to stay childish and careless, and have orchestrated the situation that allows for that. When everything changes and falls apart, it is arguably Laurie who has the biggest adjustment to make, and he has to do it alone. He is angry and hurt, and no-one will explain anything. Having spent seven years being incredibly, and destructively, sheltered, coupled with a firey temper and uncontrollable indignation, he struggles hard, and thinks and acts before think about the consequences, because there have never been consequences before, at least none that he was aware of. In part three, when Laurie is thirteen, more than anything he is defensive, and that manifests in unfair aggression. He is unreasonable, but it is self-preservation and distrust more than simply being spoiled-brattiness.

Little Women's Laurie
That being said, in this the fourth draft, he is becoming sweeter and a little less jagged, at least towards Dakin, and I'm enjoying the way that that conflicts with how he is with his parents and Alyk. He has a little more perspective this time around, and I think/hope that's making him a little more sympathetic. He's still fierce as hell and probably wouldn't think twice about breaking someone's arm who threatened them, but that's his way of repaying Dakin and stepping up to take the big-brother role when Dakin loses it.

Visually, he is a combination of BBC Sherlock and Klaus Baudelaire (Series of Unfortunate Events)
and his name, obviously, is shamelessly stolen from 'Little Women' because Laurie is wonderful.


Saturday 20 June 2015

#readerproblems

It is a fairly frequent refrain, and generally agreed upon, that to be a writer you have to be a reader. I agree with this wholeheartedly. I grew up inside books; books saved me; books made me start writing. Since finishing university and starting this novelling lark seriously, though, my reading habits have diminished. Partly it's due to my library being across the ocean, partly it's because all the time I spend reading is time I could've been writing. It's no secret that I started writing because I was dissatisfied with the books at my fingertips, and the same is still generally true now. Mostly I reread my favourite, the ones that made the cut and were granted a place in my suitcase, but I yearn for that unique buzz that comes from a reeaally good book. 

And I found it again, three days ago, but my god! Does it come at a price!

I'm not going to talk about the book in question too much right now (I'm still digesting) but I want to talk about the struggle between reading and writing.

This book, or this series, is everything I've been looking for, and it's filled me up to the point where I can't see anything else. I've just (ten minutes ago) finshed the second and I just want to cry and laugh and explode! How can the world keep going as it was after this? How can I go on as I did before I read it? Most of all, how can I possibly even think about going back to my own still story after this? I am paralyzed and caught fast, and I don't know what to do with myself. 

And it's so wonderful.

It feels like a new Harry Potter book. You know, that feeling. 

But I hate it, too. I wish I'd never found it or read it. I wish it didn't exist because dammit! I was happy before it and now I'm stuck! There is no room inside of me for my own world and my own characters, this book has overcome all of that.

So I understand why so often writers say they cannot do both at the same time, especially if they are like me and have a tragic inability to multitask. I only have room inside me for one world at a time, and the only productive one is my own. 

But.

There is nothing better than this feeling, this one right here. 

This is what I live for, what I read for, and what I write for. 

But dammit it's annoying!!

Ugh.

#readerproblems

I think it's going to be a matter of letting it marinate. You know, when you finish writing a book and you've just got to let it sit? That. Then I can see it objectively, and learn the lessons I want to learn from it (because right now all I want to do is write that book!) 

Most of all, I mustn't buy the third (and final *cry*) book until I've finished this scene.

I must not.

....

Oh dear.

Tuesday 16 June 2015

Art and Inspiration

Right now I'm procrastinating re-writing 500 words I lost last week because I'm an idiot and rely waaaay too heavily on auto-save!


So I got my cover for July Camp yaay! Definitely incentive to look forward and take it seriously (although I still have no idea what point I'll be at by the end of June!) Still, I'm hoping Camp will make me knuckle down and really drive myself to the end. I'm in a cabin with the Gremus again (O! wonderful Gremus!) and I know they'll be a big help in this!

Right now, I'm at the point in my draft that I was on November 1st 2014, and where I really struggled to get going again post NaNo. I'm hoping it'll be easier this time around, although the middle still makes me nervous so we'll see. Alyk is making a lot of sense to me, which is good. I'm excited to see how he'll develop over this draft. I'm still freaking out about this draft every other day, but the days in the middle when everything feels right more than make it worth while!


Now for some more art!

I was incredibly lucky enough to win a prize in Hragon's  follower giveaway. As you know, I absolutely adore her art, and couldn't believe I won the prize I reeaally wanted -- a portrait of a character. I picked Laurie because she did such a perfect job with him last time, and this one's even better. I'll never get over how amazing it is to see your character perfectly depicted outside your head! It's such a crazy thrill, and now I have both the boys. It's very motivating! 


A NaNo'er was giving away art a couple of months ago, and they got back to me today with Ammeline, so it's been a couple of days of excitement (much needed after the couple of days before) Super cute! Definitely need to find a way to include Ammy in Book 2; I don't think I'll be able to wait 'til Book 3!


And, finally, the NaNo blog was asking for Not-So-Secret-Admirer letters for their inspirational blog, so I wrote one for my Writing Buddy, Sarah, and it got picked and published yesterday! It can be found HERE The whole blog is worth taking a look at for motivation and inspiration :) 

So, all in all, it's been a good, busy week. (EXCEPT GAME OF BLOODY THRONES SDFGHJK!!! but I'm not ready to talk about that yet.

Thursday 11 June 2015

PoV Nerves

So a fair amount of the draft is switching up PoVs and reorganising them to get the best perspective, and I love that -- being able to delve into anyone's head and get a completely different side of the story. It means I really know my characters well -- they all fully believe they are the protagonist -- and the difference between the way they believe themselves to be and the way other people see them is really interesting. 

But

Today I'm nervous. 

It's Part 2 Proper now, and that means Alyk. 

Alyk is someone who's always given me jip and, whilst I think I have a good handle on him now, going straight into his introduction from his PoV feels like a very daunting process. He has a lot to say and absolutely nothing to back himself up with. He is at once completely incompitent and a self-proclaimed genius. He is cold and warm all at once, and so completely deluded that it's almost him possible to get to the core of *him*. I am confident with his PoV later on, once he's been set up, but introduction scenes are always tricky even with the most cooperative characters. 

I shouldn't be nervous. This is one of the scenes I'm reeaally pleased with, so not much needs to change. It's just Alyk. 

----

In other news, exercise is going steadily and well. I'm pretty proud of myself for keeping it up, and now the pool's open there's nothing better than jumping (ie. walking slowly and wincing) into cold water after a work out!

Been doing a lot of beta'ing of various kinds, and that's got me thinking about genre and different kinds of writers and writing, critique and criticism, but I want to think more on it before writing a longer post about that. 


Thursday 4 June 2015

A Day of Good Things

Bababaaaaa! I finished Part 1 today! Clocking in at 37k! A liiiittle concerned that's it's 10k longer than Part 1 of the previous draft, but it'll all get pruned down later. Debating whether to continue onward and upward tomorrow, or go back and do some tweaking. Maybe both?

Exercise wise, I did double what I did yesterday!! AND I didn't die too hard. Bought some shorts and my first sports bra today, so that's cemented me resolve to actually do this. My biggest problem seems to be my wrists (from carpal tunnel) and my ankles (from my lifelong habit of walking on tip-toes) Not really sure what I can do about this, but I'm hoping they'll both get stronger than more I do.

In other crazy exciting news (to me at least!) I've found the soundtrack from 2002 Peter Pan by James Newton Howard on Spotify!! It's not on the UK one, so I wasn't expected it to pop up when I searched for the Disney soundtrack today but hurrah!! 


Wednesday 3 June 2015

Exercising Esme -- Day 1

So, I'm blogging about this to hold myself accountable, more than anything.

I am 5"1' and 113.4 pounds -- very reasonable -- and eat very healthily (can't really not as a mostly-vegan) but I have squish that I'd prefer not to have, and I haven't done any exercise since I was sixteen (besides walking) so I have a new resolution: To exercise every day.

I've been dithering about this for ages. mostly because I Don't Exercise. I just don't. That's not me. But yesterday I sucked it up, found myself a youtube video that didn't seem so scary, and today I started.

Ffffff---

I can write 10k in a day, but 30 mins of exercise is crippling. 

And today was the easy day. 

...

I'm going to treat it like I treat novelling, using the same pep and tough love plastered on my notebook.

- It'll get easier.
- Suck it up and get it done.
- Better done than not. 
- IT'LL GET EASIER!!!

(please please let it get easier!!)

*collapsesweat*


Tuesday 2 June 2015

How is it June already??

I'm 100% not even slightly ready for it to be June. I still haven't recovered from April, and already people are setting up for July Camp. I really want to participate, but if I do it'll just be continuing as I'm doing. Starting something new would wipe me out probably even more than not resting before April did.

When did years become so short?

I thought giving myself a year to get finished on Moon Path was more than reasonable, because a year feels infinite. Or used to.

Now it's only five months until November, and one month until the next Camp.

I'm getting on well, or at least I think I am, but it feels like time's running away from me hideously.

I think being so involved in the NaNo community makes it easy to forget that Normal Writers take years and years to finishing even a first draft, and it's okay not to write a book-a-month 12 months a year.

It's just hard to remember sometimes.

*collapse*

Anyway, in better news I'm racing towards the climax or P.1, and I've had good feedback on it so far -- only one details that needs cementing. I'm really happy it's all working out, and I feel over the crippling doubts that plagued the first month of this draft. I feel confident in my instincts. It's just... wiping me out.

Give me Bernard's Watch and make time pause.


Thursday 28 May 2015

Happy Montheversay!

Well, Moon Path: Draft Four is officially one month old yesterday, and clocking in at 30k. Not too shabby! 

I'm really enjoying working so closely with old versions -- not having to worry about *what( happens, but focusing on the hows and the twiddly bits. Circumstances (eg. being an idiot and forgetting my keyboard) have meant that I've had to handwrite a couple of scenes, but that's actually worked out pretty spectacularly. Getting away from the growing doc feels a lot more spacey, and -- of course -- typing up again means an extra edit, which is always good! Actually handwriting the scene out of choice today. Have no idea how long this little routine will taste good. 

I can't believe it's almost June already! And that means July is right around the corner and... No. I will not accept it. Time is going waaay too fast! *If* I do July camp, it's going to be completely unpressurized, just keep going as I'm going, maybe a little more concentrated. We'll see. 

I had hoped to have Moon Path wrapped up by July but hahahahaha yeah right no way not a chance. I'm not going to make the same mistake as I did in March/April and overdo it. That was gross and lesson learnt!! 

Got some interesting feedback on a little scene today, and it's inspired me to do another character explanation soon. But not yet. Need to think it through first. But it's interesting to think about the lie between a confusing character and a challenging one, and it's definitely something I'm going to have to watch out for. But, as it stands, I'm going to follow my instincts regarding him unless absolutely necessary. 

Saturday 23 May 2015

Updates & Art

Firstly, big thank you to Hragon (hragon.tumblr.com)  for this amazing picture of Dakin, Laurie and Ammy! She is truly a spectacular artist, and it's really fantastic to see Laurie and Ammy, in particular, outside my head. As a writer, I struggle quite a lot with visuals, so having something outside of myself to work with really helps the story along. Thank you!

In more general news, it's been a funny sort of week. I spent three days on one scene -- struggling through it one day, writing it out by hand the next (because I'm an idiot and forgot my keyboard) and typing it out again. I'm pretty pleased with how it turned out, and how my problematic character has turned out, but it certainly threw off my gameplan this week. BUT today was good, and I think I wrote well today. Approaching the climax of Part One is pretty exciting, and I'm psyched to start thinking about Part Two and bringing Alyk back into the picture. I really feel like I have a decent handle on him this time around, so I'm looking forward to seeing how that pans out. 

Draft Four is such a funny beast. I'm used to the ups and the downs that come with writing now, but nothing prepared me for how much more intense they would be this time around! Maybe it's because I'm putting more pressure on myself to Get It Right and not have to do another rewrite, idk, but it's certainly pretty exhausting! I told Christine the other day that I was nervous about her reading because she's my harshest critic, and she just looked at me and said, "No, you are." And she's absolutely right. I am bullying myself mercilessly, but I don't know how to stop. I can only hope that -- by the end of this -- it'll be worth it.