Progress, Flailing and Pre-Camp

Happy 2nd Montheversary, 4th Draft! 

On the brink of hitting 50k today (I just have to get myself in gear and finish typing them up) which feels prettyy decent, despite writing less than last month. 

Part 2 is turning out quite differently from the last draft, though, whereas Part 1 was pretty much the same, so that's my excuse right there. Not to mention how much my reading has increased over the last few weeks. 

I am deeply sorrowful to say that I have come to the end of the Demon's Lexicon Trilogy by Sarah Reese Brennan, but I suppose it's good to have my life back again. They have shot up to top spot on my Favourite Books list. Yes, above Harry Potter, and Phantom. I am very excited for my hard copies to come so I can read them again. And once I've had enough space from them, I'll write a proper, eloquent review. Right now it would just consist of *flail* ASDFGHJK!!! Which isn't really very helpful to anyone. 

I am deeply sad that there is minimal fan-content for the series, and it's all I can do to resist writing all the fic I can until my fingers fall off, but I large part of why I've connected to the series so much is because the parts I love best and would want to ficcify are elements that I see in my own story, so I'm going to channel my ficcing urges into Moon Path. 

July is approaching full-pelt, which means the Cabin is starting to whir into life again. We've lost a few Gremus along the way (I'm pretty sure they've been kidnapped by a rival cabin) but Gremubrimcabish is still going strong, and I think everyone's looking forward to a more relaxed time of it this Camp.

Character Development: Laurie

Laurie by Hragon

Laurie (Laurenthian) started out life as my MC, and my first sort-of-but-not-really first original character back in school when I had to write stories that weren't Harry Potter fics and very much a

drone. He was there to serve a purpose as a vessel for stories, and he did the job reasonably well but we were both very dissatisfied. It wasn't until 2013 that I really gave him the space to grow and develop, and when I did changed completely beyond expectation.

He began as a quiet, imaginative boy -- very shrewd, very observant, who sneaks around the house to listen and find out for himself what no-one will tell him. In that respect, he is very similar to Wendy from Karen Wallace's wonderful novel of the same name, and one of the most influential books I've read. Based on Peter Pan, Wendy is the oldest of three siblings and takes her responsibilities very seriously. She has learnt that she cannot trust adults to tell her the truth, so if she wants or needs something, she has to go out and get it for herself. She cloaks herself in the imaginary, and relies on her imagination to protect her and make sense of things she doesn't understand, and that

is something that's very much part of 'The Moon Path'. Laurie is the same, but it's his loneliness that really provokes his imagination into action, and the need for companionship.

I suppose it would be worth saying here that I wrote 'The Moon Path' because I wanted to pay homage to my own imaginary friend, who was very important to me during my teenage years and probably saved my life. I wanted to write about that relationship and that dependency. So, at least in their early incarnations, Laurie is very much me, and Joanna is very much Him. As they grew and my focus shifted -- due mainly to a comment from my grandmother after reading NaNo2013 saying she thought it was a book about the brothers -- they changed into something much more themselves. And I'm glad for that.

As drafts have progressed, he has remained essentially the same -- still astute and sharp, and very much reliant on his imagination -- but he has become sharper, fiercer and much more impatient. He is undeniably a product of his parents, inheriting (to a degree) both their tempers, but thankfully being raised predominantly by his brother has tempered him somewhat, and I think it's his loyalty and affection for Dakin that just about keeps him from being the brat he is in danger of being.

Klaus Baudelaire - Series of Unfortunate Events

Talking of Laurie's brattiness, that's not necessarily a description I would give him, although I can

understand why people would and do think of him in that way. In the beginning of the story, Laurie is thoughtless and, for the most part, very selfish because that is the way they (his mother and brother) have encouraged him to be. They want him to stay childish and careless, and have orchestrated the situation that allows for that. When everything changes and falls apart, it is arguably Laurie who has the biggest adjustment to make, and he has to do it alone. He is angry and hurt, and no-one will explain anything. Having spent seven years being incredibly, and destructively, sheltered, coupled with a firey temper and uncontrollable indignation, he struggles hard, and thinks and acts before think about the consequences, because there have never been consequences before, at least none that he was aware of. In part three, when Laurie is thirteen, more than anything he is defensive, and that manifests in unfair aggression. He is unreasonable, but it is self-preservation and distrust more than simply being spoiled-brattiness.

Little Women's Laurie

That being said, in this the fourth draft, he is becoming sweeter and a little less jagged, at least towards Dakin, and I'm enjoying the way that that conflicts with how he is with his parents and Alyk. He has a little more perspective this time around, and I think/hope that's making him a little more sympathetic. He's still fierce as hell and probably wouldn't think twice about breaking someone's arm who threatened them, but that's his way of repaying Dakin and stepping up to take the big-brother role when Dakin loses it.

Visually, he is a combination of BBC Sherlock and Klaus Baudelaire (Series of Unfortunate Events)

and his name, obviously, is shamelessly stolen from 'Little Women' because Laurie is wonderful.

#readerproblems

It is a fairly frequent refrain, and generally agreed upon, that to be a writer you have to be a reader. I agree with this wholeheartedly. I grew up inside books; books saved me; books made me start writing. Since finishing university and starting this novelling lark seriously, though, my reading habits have diminished. Partly it's due to my library being across the ocean, partly it's because all the time I spend reading is time I could've been writing. It's no secret that I started writing because I was dissatisfied with the books at my fingertips, and the same is still generally true now. Mostly I reread my favourite, the ones that made the cut and were granted a place in my suitcase, but I yearn for that unique buzz that comes from a reeaally good book. 

And I found it again, three days ago, but my god! Does it come at a price!

I'm not going to talk about the book in question too much right now (I'm still digesting) but I want to talk about the struggle between reading and writing.

This book, or this series, is everything I've been looking for, and it's filled me up to the point where I can't see anything else. I've just (ten minutes ago) finshed the second and I just want to cry and laugh and explode! How can the world keep going as it was after this? How can I go on as I did before I read it? Most of all, how can I possibly even think about going back to my own still story after this? I am paralyzed and caught fast, and I don't know what to do with myself. 

And it's so wonderful.

It feels like a new Harry Potter book. You know, that feeling. 

But I hate it, too. I wish I'd never found it or read it. I wish it didn't exist because dammit! I was happy before it and now I'm stuck! There is no room inside of me for my own world and my own characters, this book has overcome all of that.

So I understand why so often writers say they cannot do both at the same time, especially if they are like me and have a tragic inability to multitask. I only have room inside me for one world at a time, and the only productive one is my own. 

But.

There is nothing better than this feeling, this one right here. 

This is what I live for, what I read for, and what I write for. 

But dammit it's annoying!!

Ugh.

#readerproblems

I think it's going to be a matter of letting it marinate. You know, when you finish writing a book and you've just got to let it sit? That. Then I can see it objectively, and learn the lessons I want to learn from it (because right now all I want to do is write that book!) 

Most of all, I mustn't buy the third (and final *cry*) book until I've finished this scene.

I must not.

....

Oh dear.

Art and Inspiration

Right now I'm procrastinating re-writing 500 words I lost last week because I'm an idiot and rely waaaay too heavily on auto-save!

So I got my cover for July Camp yaay! Definitely incentive to look forward and take it seriously (although I still have no idea what point I'll be at by the end of June!) Still, I'm hoping Camp will make me knuckle down and really drive myself to the end. I'm in a cabin with the Gremus again (O! wonderful Gremus!) and I know they'll be a big help in this!

Right now, I'm at the point in my draft that I was on November 1st 2014, and where I really struggled to get going again post NaNo. I'm hoping it'll be easier this time around, although the middle still makes me nervous so we'll see. Alyk is making a lot of sense to me, which is good. I'm excited to see how he'll develop over this draft. I'm still freaking out about this draft every other day, but the days in the middle when everything feels right more than make it worth while!

Now for some more art!

I was incredibly lucky enough to win a prize in Hragon's  follower giveaway. As you know, I absolutely adore her art, and couldn't believe I won the prize I reeaally wanted -- a portrait of a character. I picked Laurie because she did such a perfect job with him last time, and this one's even better. I'll never get over how amazing it is to see your character perfectly depicted outside your head! It's such a crazy thrill, and now I have both the boys. It's very motivating! 

A NaNo'er was giving away art a couple of months ago, and they got back to me today with Ammeline, so it's been a couple of days of excitement (much needed after the couple of days before) Super cute! Definitely need to find a way to include Ammy in Book 2; I don't think I'll be able to wait 'til Book 3!

And, finally, the NaNo blog was asking for Not-So-Secret-Admirer letters for their inspirational blog, so I wrote one for my Writing Buddy, Sarah, and it got picked and published yesterday! It can be found HERE The whole blog is worth taking a look at for motivation and inspiration :) 

So, all in all, it's been a good, busy week. (EXCEPT GAME OF BLOODY THRONES SDFGHJK!!! but I'm not ready to talk about that yet.

PoV Nerves

So a fair amount of the draft is switching up PoVs and reorganising them to get the best perspective, and I love that -- being able to delve into anyone's head and get a completely different side of the story. It means I really know my characters well -- they all fully believe they are the protagonist -- and the difference between the way they believe themselves to be and the way other people see them is really interesting. 

But

Today I'm nervous. 

It's Part 2 Proper now, and that means Alyk. 

Alyk is someone who's always given me jip and, whilst I think I have a good handle on him now, going straight into his introduction from his PoV feels like a very daunting process. He has a lot to say and absolutely nothing to back himself up with. He is at once completely incompitent and a self-proclaimed genius. He is cold and warm all at once, and so completely deluded that it's almost him possible to get to the core of *him*. I am confident with his PoV later on, once he's been set up, but introduction scenes are always tricky even with the most cooperative characters. 

I shouldn't be nervous. This is one of the scenes I'm reeaally pleased with, so not much needs to change. It's just Alyk. 

----

In other news, exercise is going steadily and well. I'm pretty proud of myself for keeping it up, and now the pool's open there's nothing better than jumping (ie. walking slowly and wincing) into cold water after a work out!

Been doing a lot of beta'ing of various kinds, and that's got me thinking about genre and different kinds of writers and writing, critique and criticism, but I want to think more on it before writing a longer post about that. 

A Day of Good Things

Bababaaaaa! I finished Part 1 today! Clocking in at 37k! A liiiittle concerned that's it's 10k longer than Part 1 of the previous draft, but it'll all get pruned down later. Debating whether to continue onward and upward tomorrow, or go back and do some tweaking. Maybe both?

Exercise wise, I did double what I did yesterday!! AND I didn't die too hard. Bought some shorts and my first sports bra today, so that's cemented me resolve to actually do this. My biggest problem seems to be my wrists (from carpal tunnel) and my ankles (from my lifelong habit of walking on tip-toes) Not really sure what I can do about this, but I'm hoping they'll both get stronger than more I do.

In other crazy exciting news (to me at least!) I've found the soundtrack from 2002 Peter Pan by James Newton Howard on Spotify!! It's not on the UK one, so I wasn't expected it to pop up when I searched for the Disney soundtrack today but hurrah!! 

Exercising Esme -- Day 1

So, I'm blogging about this to hold myself accountable, more than anything.

I am 5"1' and 113.4 pounds -- very reasonable -- and eat very healthily (can't really not as a mostly-vegan) but I have squish that I'd prefer not to have, and I haven't done any exercise since I was sixteen (besides walking) so I have a new resolution: To exercise every day.

I've been dithering about this for ages. mostly because I Don't Exercise. I just don't. That's not me. But yesterday I sucked it up, found myself a youtube video that didn't seem so scary, and today I started.

Ffffff---

I can write 10k in a day, but 30 mins of exercise is crippling. 

And today was the easy day. 

...

I'm going to treat it like I treat novelling, using the same pep and tough love plastered on my notebook.

- It'll get easier.

- Suck it up and get it done.

- Better done than not. 

- IT'LL GET EASIER!!!

(please please let it get easier!!)

*collapsesweat*

How is it June already??

I'm 100% not even slightly ready for it to be June. I still haven't recovered from April, and already people are setting up for July Camp. I really want to participate, but if I do it'll just be continuing as I'm doing. Starting something new would wipe me out probably even more than not resting before April did.

When did years become so short?

I thought giving myself a year to get finished on Moon Path was more than reasonable, because a year feels infinite. Or used to.

Now it's only five months until November, and one month until the next Camp.

I'm getting on well, or at least I think I am, but it feels like time's running away from me hideously.

I think being so involved in the NaNo community makes it easy to forget that Normal Writers take years and years to finishing even a first draft, and it's okay not to write a book-a-month 12 months a year.

It's just hard to remember sometimes.

*collapse*

Anyway, in better news I'm racing towards the climax or P.1, and I've had good feedback on it so far -- only one details that needs cementing. I'm really happy it's all working out, and I feel over the crippling doubts that plagued the first month of this draft. I feel confident in my instincts. It's just... wiping me out.

Give me Bernard's Watch and make time pause.