Doubtful Drafts.

It's a very odd sensation, going from first-draft writing -- where quantity presides over quality -- back to third-draft writing, where the point of it is to do it right this time. And, I have to say, it's proven to be quite tricky.

I'm not going to lie -- I'm super pleased with what I had of my third-draft pre-NaNo, but realising that I have to go back to working like that to produce those words filled me with a certain kind of nervousness that I hadn't felt before. I was honestly starting to doubt that I could keep up with myself.

This nervousness, coupled wih taking two days off for the holidays, crippled me for what felt like ages (although was actually only most of a day). The words just wouldn't fall right and the physics of the story was falling to pieces in protest of it neglect (A butterknife piercing a hardwood table, that's all you need to know!) Everything felt trite and dull, and my sentences and PoV were boring as hell. It was unbearable and I was doomed.

Then I had a walk and a bath and, at ten pm, inspiration struck. It was the coveted bolt of lightening, and it struck me hard. So hard, in fact, that the momentum of that energy has carried me well through today. As it stands, I have done 2,000 today (the most of this draft that I've done since putting it down on October 31st) and it's coming as well as it did then.

I am so so inordinately relieved.

It really is delightful, going back to this kind of draft, where every word is carefully picked and placed for the perfect effect. It's really feeling like a composition than words on a page, as the first drafts did, and I can finally take pleasure in the craft of writing again.

That's what subsequent drafts are for, I think -- pleasure of writing. First drafts are for the pleasure of the story, but it's later ones that really let you stretch your wings. I love it.

Createspace and Contemplation.

Alright, there we go. The books are ordered! Had to submit a couple of times, frustratingly, due to formatting cock-up, but I'm glad I took the time to look through page-by-page because I would've kicked myself if they'd come back like that! 

But we got there, and there it is -- NaNoWriMo 2014 is officially finished. 

I can't believe it's only been an month and two-thirds, I feel like so much has happened in what amounts to 52 days! 

Today I had a read through of what I've got of Book One and went for a walk with my thoughts, trying to get back in the head-space ready for continuation, and I've started re-plotting again. I've got the same nervous-excitement in my stomach as though I'm starting from scratch. I feel like writing the sequels has given me good perspective on it, though? Baah I'm scared XD 

In other news we finally finally got our promised 'story' from J.K centering on Draco and... well... predictable, I think is the kindest word. I was interested to read that he was tight friends with Goyle and Theo Nott pre-Hogwarts, but Crabbe was a later addition to the clique. But, tbh, that was really that got my fanfiction wheels whirring. It was basically a re-cap of the seven books plus a perplexed admonishment directed at female Draco-fans. It left me pretty mad actually, and solidified my thoughts that I love the Potter-verse desperately purely because she left SO so much to the imagination, not because she's a good writer with interesting characterizations. It's pretty tragic, actually, how black and white she sees it all when the majority of her fans have brought colour to her creation. And you'd think, with all these years to think about it... I don't know. It's too predictable to be disappointing. 

I'm content with my head-canon Draco, I don't think anything official at this point will put a dent in that. 

The only thing left to do is tweak the ending. It's going to take twenty minutes, max. But I don't wanna. All I want to do is scroll mindlessly through tumblr and feel cross that the new Draco 'story' that J.K promised isn't up yet. It's going to be terrible and nothing we don't already know but I want it so bad!! And I don't want to finish my novel. I hate finishing things. Blergh.

Revision Update

I am currently on page 294 of 397, and it's going well. Not being able to justify the nice fluffy ending I had finished with on the fifteenth, I spent the 16th talking it through with a writing-buddy and came up with a thousand words of rip-your-heart-out-and-shove-it-down-your-throat angst which feels much more natural to end Dragons on. 

Reading through has, so far, been much less excruciating than I had expected it to be. The further in I get, though, the more nervous I become. I certainly understand why people advise letting the MS rest before tackling it. It's much more pleasant to read with fresh, reader's eyes than re-visit the words you wrote only a matter of days ago. Still, it's not as bad as I expected it to be. And I'm trying to keep reminding myself that I wrote two novels in a month and a half so what can I really expect? 

Ugh! I'm itching to continue the story, though, but I really need to get back to Book 1. I think I'm going to hand-sketch Book 4, just dabble with it casually whilst I'm writing 'Moon Path'. My concrete goal for 2015 is to start querying so I really need a finished manuscript ASAP. 

Today it is beautiful and snowing, and I've done all my xmas shopping (how is it only a week 'til xmas???) so I think I'll count this as a good day :) Hopefully I'll finish up revision tomorrow so I can order my Createspace copies. Waah! I'm so excited to see it in print!! 

Here's what I'm listening to today -- Fall Out Boy & Taylor Swift: My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark, Live. Supreme.

I did it.

15th November -- 15th December.

It feels good.

Pre-Post Jitters

5,000 words to go and I'm getting pre-finish jitters, a weird combination of manic excitement and abject terror. It's the best feeling in the world! Well, one of them.

I'm pretty sure I'll be able to condense 'Guilders' and 'Dragons' down into one, so I'm feeling better about not exactly really finishing-finishing the story. The problem with pantsing is that you end up learning a whole bunch more than you expected to and to do it justice, it really needs more words. I'm getting really excited about cutting it down and focusing it more. Doing that really did wonders with 'Moon Path', so I think that'll be the way to go. 

Yesterday I did 0 words, but I've made up for it today by getting in 3,000 pretty easily. Had a little bit of a a hiccup, but only about 500 words of one so it wasn't too bad. I've come to realize, though, that I really do need to sort out my place name because, well, I don't have any. People names are hard enough, but place names are impossible! The problem with putting off things 'til later is that later never really comes... I did that with surnames and look where that got me!

I also need to focus Aurelia. She's become completely unsympathetic and that's not her purpose at all. Whenever I put her into a scene, she just ends up arguing with everyone. I'm writing way too personally with her and I know I'm going to have to back off and be more objective in the re-write. God, it feels good to get it out though! It's freaking me out a bit how much of myself I've been putting into the story recently, but revision will bring focus and objectivity so I'm not worrying too much. 

Following my good writing morning/afternoon, I'm spending the evening rewarding myself by formatting what I've got and making it pretty. I can't wait to see it in print!

Oh.

It just struck me that in about a week (possibly less) I'll have written two novels in a month and a half.

Oh.

Art, Progress and The Hobbit

Apologies for the lack of updates, it's been a busy couple of days. Tricksy scenes are like buses, they all come at once and then it just gets ridiculous. I'm happy with the scenes individually but, once again, crisis of confidence has struck and I'm feeling paralyzed. Who am I kidding? This isn't going anywhere. It's boring and whiny and full of plot-holes -- oh god! the plot holes! I can't keep anyone's attention with it. It's like an ugly child whose mother thinks it's gorgeous but the whole world knows better. 

*headdesk*

*I* like it, but I'm feeling delusional,

In other, happier news, Hragon from NaNo did some sketches of Dakin for me and I'm super pleased! It's always nerve-wracking asking for art, but I've admired their work for a while and was not disappointed!

Also, we got preview tickets to see The Hobbit today and... well... It's worth seeing but I laughed more than I cried. It was no Lord of the Rings.

Eagles what?

A Good Day

Today was a good day, writing-wise and personally. Made big steps in my visa application and didn't have a panic-attack when I checked by bank-account. I feel like I can breathe again. 

Writing was slow but good. It was one of those scenes that needed to be maneuvered carefully and revised a couple of times to get right, but I'm very pleased with the end product. The characters have done what they needed to do and stayed true to character, which was particularly tricky today. Very much a matter of compromise. I am both excited and terrified of my writing schedule for tomorrow. I'm giving myself the evening off to just think about it. Once I've got past this point, the rest should come pretty smoothly (maybe hopefully??)

Here's some appropriate music :)

Only a Dream by Mary Chapin Carpenter

Distractions

It's so easy to get caught up in everything else -- forums and feedback and blog-posts and keeping up with messages -- that you forget that actually, when it comes down to it, the story is the important part.

What I mean is, I've been so caught up in people recently. Talking to people about writing and reviewing excerpts etc. really does give a similar sense of achievement as writing a thousand words does. It's so easy to forget that, without the words of *your* story, none of the rest of it would exist. It's all just decoration and, at the end of the day, when you strip it all down, it's just you that's left with the words you have written. 

I love love LOVE chatting away to other writers. I love being part of an awesomely supportive community. I love encouraging them on bad days and cheering on the good ones, and I love that other people do that for me too. I love doing swaps and reading NaNo novels. I love feeling like I've played a part in someone achieving their dreams. I love that writing *isn't* lonely.

But, if the internet shut down tomorrow, it would just be you and your words. And I think that's an important thing to remember. 

Oh, did I tell you I hit my goal of 85k yesterday? That was a good time. 

Today my goal is less exciting (but it's an at-home day, so that's okay) I want to get to the end of this scene and get a good hook into the next one for tomorrow. Just a few hundred words, I expect, but that's fine with me. 

Alright, music for the day! I'm on a huge Taylor Swift kick right -- that woman is doing awesome things in the music world right now. Every day I'm more and more impressed. So here's Blank Space.

Ahhahaha when you write a risky thing and you put it up for feedback and nothing updates for an hour and you think oh no too far and each time you refresh you get a little more despondant and then that OH SHIT SOMEONE'S READ IT A WRITTEN SOMETHING punch to the gut that always comes with feedback and then you read and it's like 'Aaaaah :) '

*headdesk*

A Creature of Habit

Last year, I was pretty pleased that I'd managed to break myself out of bad habits -- I could happily scribble away anywhere with anything, setting and circumstance didn't matter. And I've been pretty good at sustaining that... until recently.

Now I find it impossible to write at home on my laptop. Which is fine on the days we're in Starbucks, but less fine on the days off. I don't know what it is -- I just can't concentrate at home like I used to :P Too many distractions, I suppose. Need to work on getting back into good habits, especially now my daily output is dwindling. 

Saying that, today's been another good day. A big reveal's on the shore and the characters are behaving themselves nicely. And words are coming easily! I think I'm still riding off the back of yesterday. Got some real nice compliments on my most recent excerpt, and good reviews are pretty potent as fuel! Hopefully it'll last!

Having Lilo and Stitch cravings today (such a good movie don't even talk to me) so let's have some of that here!

“Tomorrow may be hell, but today was a good writing day, and on the good writing days nothing else matters.” -- Neil Gaiman

Today was a good writing day, and I will share an excerpt with you -- 

Squeezing his legs as tight as he could to Loam's sides and clasping his hands around Kai's middle, Dakin squeezed his eyes shut and tried to focus on his breathing to keep the instinctive panic at bay as he felt the dragon's muscles shift and move beneath them as they lurched towards the mouth of the cave. It was bumpier than he had expected it to be; the dragon was awkward in its gait, and with every heavy step Dakin felt as though he was about to be flung off. And this was only when they were on the ground, and walking! Heaven knows what it would be like when they were actually up in the air... Seriously regretting letting himself get talked into this, Dakin pressed his forehead to Kai back and concentrated on not throwing up as the cool sea hair ruffled his hair.

With room to stretched, Loam spread its wings -- wide and leathery and quivering -- out then up, then out again, stretching out the kinks as one does with their arms after sleeping. The satisfied shudder coursed through its body, starting at the very tips of its wings and down and across its back, shaking the riders along with it. 

Kai chuckled when he felt Dakin's grip tighten in response. "Relax," he murmured. "You'll make Loam nervous. And a nervous dragon is not a safe dragon." 

"You're not helping," came the muffled response, hot through his jacket. "Just tell me when it's over so I can look." 

"I bet you anything you like that within ten minutes you'll've opened your eyes and won't be able to shut them again 'till we land." 

Dakin gave an indistinct mumble of *doubt in response. 

Knowing that he was absolutely right, Kai leaned forward and patted Loam's neck. "Come on then, dragon. Let's show him what it's all about." 

A squeak emitted from Dakin's lips as he felt them dip down like a coiled spring. It was happening and there was not a thing he could do about it and oh god-- 

There was a sharp rush of air and the squeak turned into a shriek as they suddenly hurtled upwards; the heavy beat of wings pulsing deafeningly in his ears, louder than the raor of the wind and the rush of his own blood. Up and down, they sank and rose like a ship on the most turbulent sea, higher and higher until the air was thin and crisp and cool, and only the steady throb of adrenaline kept his skin hot. 

Kai gritted his teeth against the sharp pain of Dakin's fingers digging into his middle and patted the dragon's neck a second time. 

At once, the wings stopped beating and the jerky movements smoothed out into a sleek glide, broken every now and then by a single smooth stroke just to keep them up. 

As they soared high and fast above the sea -- their silhouette a tiny shape skimming across the water below them -- little by little Dakin's grip began to relax and the high-strung tension in his body start to ease. 

Tucking his ruffling hair behind his ear, Kai glanced briefly backwards to see Dakin peeking out with wide blue eyes. "I told you so." 

Now that he didn't feel like he was going to be thrown off at any moment, Dakin swallowed down the last remnants of terror and eased himself carefully away from Kai, raising his head to take it all in. 

"Wow." 

Kai's laugh reverberated through them both. "Breathe it in," he said. "You'll find no sweeter taste in this life." 

Dakin obeyed, taking in a lung-full through the mouth. Kai was right. He'd never felt anything like it before. "What is it?" 

"Freedom," Kai told him, stooping low over Loam’s neck as they made a wide, sweeping turn to the left. "The freedom of dragons."

Excuse the cheesiness of the ending, I couldn't resist! I expect it'll get tweaked/aggressively deleted in the rewrite, but it's first draft so I can do what I like :)

I'm hoping to finish up this draft within the next few weeks (did I already tell you that?) The end is nigh, and I can already see the sequel series in the distance. Maybe. If the loss is too much to bare. I hate endings. Endings are worse than beginnings a thousand times over.

Here's what I'm listening to today --

Coming Home pt.II  - A very pretty song that popped up Pandora last week

Aaand, because I don't know why I haven't recc'd this yet, The Call by Regina Spektor for the Prince Caspian Soundtrack. I am passionate about this song at the moment. A good song for endings :)

New Cover!

 Yesterday, a wonderful NaNo'er -- Jinxmoonstone -- made me a beautiful cover for Book 3. Isn't it pretty? Jinx is supremely talented and I almost wish I was going through the self publishing route just so I could do it justice!

You can see more of their work at Inksplatter Art Shoppe

Keep an eye out on the NaNo Artisans thread for when they open their requests again!

Writing: A Solitary or Communal Past-Time?

Okay, so we all know the cliche of The Brooding Writer, who sits alone in a darkened, smoke filled room with only fifty coffee cups, each in a different state of decay, for company. The door is shut -- locked, probably -- with a large sign tacked onto the outside written in thick black sharpie:

Keep Out: Muse At Work

The Brooding Writer does not emerge for months, weeks years, not until they reappear -- hissing at the sunlight -- with a perfect first draft clutched tight in their nicotine-stained fingers, ready for press. The Brooding Writer remains in the real world just long enough to make sure no-one butchers their baby, then returns, hunchbacked, to the darkened room, ready to begin again. The Brooding Writer has no care for their readers and their opinions. Afterall, hat difference does it make? The Brooding Writer will write what they write and to hell with everyone else! The Brooding Writer likes a nice thick fourth wall between them and the audience, broken only occassionally in a fit of writers' angst. 

Now, in my time at university, I met a great many people who fit this title. Hell, I even considered it for myself once! It seemed bohemian and artistic and even a necessity to literary success.

For me personally, though, I think I have always been a communal writer. It's what comes from years of fanfiction and craving reviews such as 'Waaahhh what did you do?? More please!!" It's a high that quickly becomes addictive and I learnt the techniques to ensure maximum 'Waaahhh!!' By that I mean supremely sympathetic characters that you torture over and over with wicked cliff hangers. In retospect, I definitely think I treat each chapter - whether in original fic or fanfic - as a little bit like a TV episode.

Each part needs to feel complete and satisfying and, more than anything, have a good hook to keep people coming back for more.

In short, to be a communal writer, you need to have a good connection to your readership. If you want them to care and say nice things, you need to give them something to care about and you need to know how to play with their heartstrings. Be aware, also, of what affects you as a reader. Afterall, No Tears in the Writer, No Tears in the Reader, and I think that is absolutely true.

Brooding Writers are fine, and it's a method that I'm sure works for some, but don't ever think it is a requirment to shut yourself away from the world. I promise you from the bootom of my heart, that there is nothing in the world more satisfying and inspiring than a message from a reader that simply says, 'Wow.' Just like that, full-stop and all. Wow means 'You got me. You and your characters did their job.' Never underestimate the meaning of 'Wow.'

And if you want that Wow, you've got to get out there and connect with your readers.

It's good fun too ;)

Today Will Be A Better Day!

As predicted, yesterday's slump has not (thankfully) lasted. I am pumped, I am prepared, I am ready to get back down to business! Aww yeah! Bring it!

The more time I spend in the 'Say Something Nice About the Excerpt Above You' (Located in NaNoWriMo Ate My Soul, for anyone who wants to pop by and join the party!) the more I'm starting to think about my revision, what needs to be added. As usual, I have completely neglected Alyk in any of the excerpts I've put up, which is terrible because he is such a crucial character! It was only when someone mentioned wanting to know more about him when he was mentioned in passed that I realised that, once again, I was pretty much pretending he doesn't exist. This needs to change. I can feel myself doing it to Tamsyn too, side-lining her in favour of other characters. Its just like Joanna all over again who's been completely cut from the first first draft.

It's ridiculous, really, because I know what parts they all play and how it's going to work out and why they're important etc. etc. but there just doesn't seem to be enough words in a day to include everything. 

Oh well, at least I"m aware of it, and that's what revision's for, right?

In other news, hello all the new people following this blog! I'm completely overwhelmed by the traffic coming through here and seeing where everyone's coming from (This morning, Russia seems to be the most popular and yesterday was the Netherlands!) I've been getting upwards of fifty hits a day for the past three days, so the pressure's on to keep your attention (I expect it'll subside soon when everyone realises how boring this blog usually is!) 

Today is very exciting; finally getting around to The Big Climax. I'm still not 100% how to play it, but I'm just going to go with what feels right and not over-think it too much. I need to catch up on my wordcount if I want to order my createspace books by January! A very kind NaNo'er gave me a spare code so now I can order four paper backs when it's done :D At the moment, this year's manuscript stands at 375-ish pages and I've still got a good 25K to go. It's gonna be a brick!

This is what I'm listening to at the moment -

'I Will Find You' from The Last of the Mohicans Soundtrack. A truly haunting ear-worm.I saw the movie years and years ago, and I really do need to see it again. It's brilliant, visually, emotionally and, of course, musically. Not for the faint-hearted though! Enjoy :)

Aaand there's the crash!

I think yesterday I was running on NaNo fumes, and now they're spent. I am so written out. I don't even want to think about my story today! Actually, scrap that, I don't want to think about anything today. Nothing sounds good. I think I'm going to have a day off today, read some fic, read some Fruits Basket... I've been having alot of Furuba dreams recently; that's probably a sign about something. I wish I had all my books with me. The online ones are fine, but the translations are (more than) a little off :/ I should really start scouting out ebay to try and pick up the ones I'm missing from my collection -- 17 -- 23, I think? 

In other news, my father-in-law asked me again what my story was about last night. The time before we actually had a good conversation about it, but it caught me off guard last night so I couldn't do anybetter than, 'Eh bleh bleh a sort of fantasy thing about people doing stuff.' Literally. Word for word. I really need to improve on my summary skills. It isn't getting any easier. 

Yesterday was a good, encouraging day and today feels... Like I want to chuck the whole damn thing in and become a dentist. It's probably got something to do with the visa medical people still telling me that I have to wait to make my appointment, even though I've waited and waited and they said come back in December so I did and.... *headdesk* So now I'm in a slump. I'm going to eat bagel and drink tea and feel better :)

Post-NaNo Blues and Happy New Year!

Browsing through the forums this morning feels like walking through a store ten minutes before closing -- everything's quiet and the air is still buzzing from the energy of the last minute rush. I"m pretty surprised so many people have disappeared so quickly, but I'm glad to see the regulars are still hanging around.

A lot of people are expressing their sadness that NaNo is over, and I totally get that. It's a mad month of friendzied scribbling, and coming out the other side is like waking up after a month-long sleep. It is sad, but it's also exciting -- now you've got the whole year ahead of you with an amazing block of raw material ready and waiting to be chizzled into something gorgeous!

NaNo, for me at least, is like the new-year's party for the writing year and I cannot wait to see what this year will bring! Last year, it brought me the confidence to go freelance whole new world and cast of characters of my own to work with. This year... who knows? But I think good things are going to happen. I feel more confident, more dedicated, and any excuse I had *not* to do my very best has been completely erradicated.

I have no more excuses, nor do I have the desire to make any more.

Whether you 'won' or not, simply by participating in the eventyou have shown more dedication, more passion and more drive than most self-proclaimed writers ever do. It doesn't matter *what* you've ended up with, only that you *have* ended up with something. And the coming year is the time to make that something into something brilliant!

So don't be sad NaNo's over, be excited for the next step in your novelling and look forward to next year :)