Existential Crisis Update

Feeling much better about my gameplan today after chatting to some NaNo peeps that know what they're talking about (Thank god for them!) Figured I should stick this up for anyone else having a similar kind of stress.

Basically, what it comes down to is contracts, and that's the sort of thing your agent is there for. You can negotiate a contract in which you keep the rights to your world and characters. Your publisher gets first refusal on sequels, but if they don't want it, then you aren't stuck. 

Contracts aren't permanent either, meaning that after a certain period they are either renewed or the rights return to you. 

Long story short: Don't Panic! Everything's going to be okay! And I'm going to continue on with my plan :) 

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In other news, I hit 20k on my draft yesterday! It's taking shape very nicely, and I'm really thinking that, after this draft, it's only going to need a polish up before it's ready to go. no more complete rewrites (Hahahahaha and I only thought I'd have to do that once!!!) I can't believe I'm going to have four completely versions of this story when's all said and done! And it's only been a year (almost exactly) since I started the rewrites... That's a lot of words. Not including two novels in November. And ghostwriting. And fic. I'm surprised I have any fingers/brain left!

I got a seriously interesting critique back from a good friend of mine yesterday, Amie. To paraphrase, it's not her cup of tea because she's not a fan of lit-fic, and she couldn't get past the literariness to the substance. 

I didn't freak out at all, which kind of surprised me. I really value her opinion and she put it in a really interesting way that's given me a lot to think about.

I certainly don't see it as lit-fic, but then again, I don't really see it as anythng. It just is what it is; something that I'd like to read. And I guess, what I like to read, is lit-fic. That makes a lot of sense to me, even though it wasn't what I was aiming for. And it fits in with what other people have said (whose cup of tea it was) So, whilst it's made me realise that I will have to work to make it a little more accessible in the edits (especially the beginning) It's also made me feel a bit better about the whole labelling thing. Hopefully, by the time it's finished-finished, I'll know for certain what it Is! 

It's funny though; I spent most of my teenage-hood (and 20-21) being the worst kind of literature snob. YA was a dirty word to me, so it was almost an insult when my grandmother called my first draft YA. But then I came to terms with it, chilled out, and made me peace with YA. I love the stories it produces, and to be doing that was fine with me. 

So much so that when it's called lit-fic, I'm right back there feeling almost insulted initially haha! But that lasted for less than a second, and now I'm just curious. Can YA be Lit-Fic, and vice versa? Whatever it turns out to be, it's what I like to read, and maybe I just have to work that one out. 

Have some beautiful music (because for some reason I've stopped doing that lately?)

Song for Bob by Nick Cave and Warren Ellis -- I have it on loop this week! Really gorgeous piece of instrumental music. Perfect cellos are perfect. 

Beginnings are Hard

It seems, whichever point I am currently at with my novel, it is definitely The Hardest. Endings are tough because everything has to be tied together and perfect; Middles of tough because it has to hold up both ends and not drop you from boredom, and now I find that beginnings are the hardest of them all. You have to set your scene, introduce the world and you character and explain why you are asking the reader to invest in them AND introduce the conflict and themes, and keep it engaging and try not to info-dump and and and... 

*collapse*

Beginnings are hard.

With this draft, I'm starting at a quieter point, just back enough that I can show their flavour of normality for contrast's sake. I like my ideas, but I'm struggling hideously with the execution. 

Basically it's too slow and there's too much description. It needs to be tighter, but still hold all the information, and not feel stilted and dry. I attempted a rewrite of my first 200 words, but it was truly crappy and my readers -- Sarah and a couple of people on the Critique forums -- basically told me to scrap it. Which I'm more than happy to do. 

The problem is (one of the many) is that there's no run up to get yourself into the flow of it, because it *is* the beginning. All the feedback I've had -- good and bad -- says that the first page feel disjointed from the rest tonally and, for the first time, I am absolutely at a loss to know how to fix it. 

Basically it just needs to sit, and I need to stop over thinking it (haha! Fat chance!) 

Repeat after me: EVERYTHING IS FIXABLE!! My Notebook says so, so it must be true!

*headdesk* 

Anyhoo... I promised an excerpt so this seems as good a time as any :P Here is the beginning of Moon Path: Draft Four.

~ * ~

Trouble begins as trouble always does -- with a niggle he cannot explain and the illusion of a choice.

Sitting cross-legged in the high-backed armchair beneath the low sloping ceiling of his bedroom, Dakin pauses, momentarily forgetting the book spread across his lap; dark-blue eyes stilling on the page as he tries to put a name to the niggle twisting at his stomach, neither explainable nor ignorable. He tries telling himself that it is just his imagination playing tricks on him again. Don't go looking for trouble where there is none to be found. There is enough trouble already without making more.

Dakin shifts and forces his eyes mechanically back across the words. But they mean nothing now, just shapes on a page. The niggle -- the worry -- has caught him, and he knows he will not be released until it is satisfied.

Now comes the choice -- To swallow down his instincts and stay and enjoy the rare moment of solitary peace, or to follow them to whatever end they may inevitably lead.

Tucking a wayward strand of long grey hair back behind his ear, Dakin swallows and folds the book reluctantly shut. There is no choice. Not really. Only the taunting illusion of one.

Bare feet carry him silently across the room, low-lit and sparsely furnished. Everything he loves, everything that is precious to him, he keeps downstairs in his brother's room. He prefers it there, amongst the clutter and disarray. His room is for quiet, and for secrets. It sees him at his worst, as the person he doesn't want to be, and Dakin wants to keep that person locked away in this room -- confined, protected, and kept away from the things and the people he loves best. They have to be kept separate otherwise they will be spoiled. He has to keep himself separate. The only person to see him as he is here, to see him as he really is, is his father. He knows all of Dakin's secrets.

Perhaps, if he can catch the trouble before it begins, it will be okay. Perhaps the niggle really is his own over-active imagination, nothing more than a baseless worry. Perhaps.

A wry smile quirks in the corner of his mouth. At twelve years old, he should know how it goes, should stop trying to fool himself, and should know -- by now -- that his instincts concerning his little brother are never wrong. 

~*~

So there you go. The beginning. I like the flavour of it, but it needs straightening out (especially as it goes on!) And once it gets about a page in, I'm on a roll and it feels but better, it's just a matter of getting there that's the problem. I wondered about starting a little later, but Sarah agreed that it's a good setup, just needs reorganizing. 

Soooo much reorganising!!

Fourth Draft Thoughts

Two days ago I started rewriting again. Right from the beginning. Now, I am very happy with the way the 3rd draft went, content-wise -- the plot is all set and the characters are tight -- I know precisely what happens, when and why, and I have no desire to change any of that. But I am rewriting. From scratch. Again. 

This is mainly because I have made the executive decision to go present tense -- it's where my heart lies, and I think it's where I write best. It also means that I can use my 3rd draft as a guideline, rather than trying to work different bits into the existing text which I find to be  a HUGE headdache. I'd much rather begin again and smooth it out as I go than pile layer upon layer of revision on top of each other. 

As it stands, I have just over 5k. I'm having an 'ugh I hate everything' day today, but beyond that I'm really pleased with the way its going. Everything feels much more solid and a lot less like guess work. I feel like the characters are much more themselves now that I truly do know them inside out. I'm working very closely with my 3rd draft, and it's fun to pick out my favourite bits from that version to put into this one, and I love being able to make notes further along in the story regarding any changes or foreshadowing I'm deciding to make. It really does feel much more like typing up, this time, rather than a whole new story. 

Issues I'm having: It feels very wordy, and I think there's going to be a lot of pruning to be done at the end, and my scenes feel pretty short. Scenes, not chapters. I'm averaging about a thousand words per-scene, and I know there's no standard, but still... I think it's the nature of the story though, and all the different strands of PoV I have. I think if I was writing more linearly, it wouldn't be an issue at all, but because I'm hopping around the house it's kind of necessary? 

Anyway, that'll be something to alert the betas to when they get their hands on it :) 

Will post an excerpt soon (Maybe!)