Stage Fright

I don't know why I'm so scared -- she's read my stuff before. Afterall, we met through fanfiction. Why is it so different, and so much harder, now?

I hate going through it; the revving myself up, the making myself sick with nerves until I think I'm going to puke, the gross, sweaty hands and the "Ugh." in the pit of my stomach when I hit send....

And then there's the waiting.

The endless waiting.

Has she read it? I don't want to ask, don't want to know, I wish I'd never sent it. Why hasn't she said anything? Has she read it? If has, why hasn't she said anything. I hate it. I hate it. I HATE IT.

But I have to.

I have to send it.

She wants to read it (at least that's what she says (but that's what she said last time)) so I should be grateful and pleased (so why is it making me sick?)

Why am I so scared? I hate it. I shouldn't be scared. I should trust her. No reason not to.

Butbutbut

But what?

I'm a ridiculous human being.