Big Emotional Climaxes Are Scary

I have often found that the element of the story I am working on that has been in my head the longest is the one I find hardest to commit to paper. I have imagined it time and time again; the imagery is as clear as though it were playing on a screen. I know precisely how my characters feel, I have choreographed their every move, but I cannot for the life of me bring myself to write it down. 

In the past year, I have heard the phrase 'no one can write your story but you' repeated very frequently across the interwebs, and I believe there is a great truth in that. But, as such, I feel the increased pressure to get It Right. Because if I don't - if I fail to express myself perfectly, or fail to paint the picture I have in my imagination - that's all that's going to be left. No one else is going to correct it, no one else is going to make it better. And that is bloody scary! 

I think that's probably why I find it easier to get out the words in my ghostwriting - it doesn't matter so much; I'm not going to be judged so harshly on that. They aren't my stories, so they aren't tied to me in the way that my own work is. My novel is what people will look at to judge me, and so it has to be the best I can make it. Nothing makes me more self-conscious, and that sucks because I am not a self-conscious person. I couldn't care less what people think about me in any other aspect of my life, but I care deeply about what people think of me as a writer. 

Blergh. 

But it's going well, I think. I've started my second second draft (I've been stuck in some sort of Groundhog Day and the missus has finally banned me from starting again, so I need to make this one count!) and I've got thirty-four pages. It coming much more smoothly now I've scrapped my experimental style and gone back to a more simple form. I like it much better - I can go from character to character without it being a bother - and they don't feel as pathetic now. But I've just got to the first Big Emotional Climax and it's making me nervous. It's the turning point of the whole story and I need to get it right. 

Commitment issues, that's what it is. Oh so many commitment issues. 

This is what I'm listening to to try and get me into the zone - I Gave You All by Mumford & Sons